By Rabbi Marcia Plumb
So far, I have talked alot about respect for others. But what does respect mean? I’ll start with what it doesn’t mean.
To respect someone else, we don’t have to:
Agree with everything they say
Tolerate bad behaviour
Accept bullying
Stay in relationship with them
So what does it mean?
It means we treat others as we would want to be treated.
It means we remember at all times that under the top layer of words, even words of hate, dwells a pure soul that was given by God. Yes, a pure soul.
Their words and bad behaviour may have built too many layers on top of that soul that the person can’t access it anymore. But this person is a member of our family, however distant, because we are all part of the same humanity. Their soul is still there. So when we speak with them, speak to their soul–Soul2Soul.
When we speak with this person, imagine that our soul is speaking to theirs. Speak calmly and thoughtfully. You may not change their minds, but you may help them recall their precious soul.
And you will remember your beautiful soul as well. Our tone softens when we speak from our soul, and not from our intellectual desire to be right; our words are more thoughtful when we build on our common humanity.
The other day, someone told me that she had been learning with people who shared her viewpoint, and so she was even more convinced of her opinion. I asked if she had studied with anyone who held a different viewpoint. Sheepishly she said no. I then had a choice. I could get angry or annoyed with her; I could lose respect and declare that talking with her was a waste of time-all she wanted was an echo chamber. Or I could remember how challenging it was for me to start exploring viewpoints that differed widely from my own. I could maintain my respect for this person, this human being who is, underneath it all, a lot like me, even if I disagreed with her approach.
So, I said, ‘I know you have intellectual integrity. You take learning seriously. So, maybe it is time to act on that intellectual integrity by learning from someone with a different perspective. Perhaps we can read something from each other’s point of view together.’
Our conversations continue.
When our conversations begin with a foundation of dignity and respect, we start to repair the frayed fabric of our society.
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